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  • Writer's pictureRoss Zuchowski

Garlic Butter Aliens


Ten million years ago, the ancestors of humanity were seeded onto the planet we call Earth as livestock to be consumed across the galaxy as a delicacy. The aliens were in for a rough surprise when they came back, and we discovered a lot of them go well with garlic butter.


“Look I left them here for us - it was supposed to be a surprise, but I didn’t expect...” He trails off as he looks down at the sphere dotted with lights. Frank clearly exhausted by the situation and out of breath, “this was supposed to be our little nest egg – we plant these come back in a few hundred years and sell them in retirement.” He looks up his partner searching for a response. Her body glows an iridescent purple an indication he should stop speaking. They float for a moment there in the void of space above the earth. Frank wants to say more but before he can muster up the courage to go any further she begins descending toward earth. He takes the moment in – she floats so easily as she recedes further and further from his view. Other beings can be seen one after another also descending toward the earth. It looks now as if a field of jellyfish are floating toward the earth.

On earth there are countless struggles taking place – an ongoing world war ravages the globe. The climate has evolved to make several places inhabitable and the remaining natural resources have been hoarded by coalitions of countries vying for global control. Drought and hunger are commonplace and ration plans are in frequent practice.

Frank clears the atmosphere and cloud cover to see a city scape now in early morning light. Several of his brood are entangled the city’s structures misjudging their entry and how much more gravity would pull at them. Their bodies caught like a wet bed sheet over skyscrapers begin to strain the buildings and cause immense damage to the city. In the chaos of this alien invasion people litter the streets to both run and gawk at Frank and his kind.

Frank still curious how all this could have gone awry seeks to investigate his stock further. He reaches out with a tentacle to discuss the situation with one of the population. His mass drapes over them and he lifts the human. They struggle in the jelly-like substance and Frank attempts to calm them – he speaks to the human but his voice releases wave of telekinetic energy and only saves the human from drowning in his gelatinous arm goo and kills them instantly. Upon seeing the unresponsive human in his grasp Frank chucks him into the distance out of frustration. Frank takes in the chaos surrounding him – several of his brood have begun the harvest process but many are telling him that a majority of the stock are spoiling (read: dying). Frank suspects their alien bodies cause a toxic reaction to the humans and instructs them to hold the harvest until he can come up with an alternate approach. He suddenly notices a stinging feeling on his body, as if one of his limbs feel asleep. Turning he sees several of the humans pointing at him. The objects are ejecting flashing projectiles – they pass through his jelly skin causes a friction irritation and briefly tearing through his flesh before it reforms. Frank has had enough – he floats up to avoid dealing with this nuisance and looks for Patricia. It felt odd that he couldn’t feel her presence – even in her anger he still always had a sense of her.

In a nearby military city the response was more than an irritant for the invading jellyfish. While the humans endured heavy causalities, jellyfish bodies also scattered the area as wet puddles of slime coating the ground. The remainder of the invading force heeded Frank’s instructions and floated above the city awaiting further direction.

Inside the military city there was buzzing action over the new threat. Many believed this invasion was some new threat sent by Mars, others thought some new world ending apocalypse. Deep in the city’s underground tunnels a sample of jellyfish was being examined by the resident bio-informatics specialists, doctors who were responsible for all the latest and greatest bioweapons causing a boon of both disease and anatomical advancement. Whether it was the latest strain of the super bug or a gene enhancement for survival on less water these doctors relished the task.

“Look I don’t particularly care if you’re on lunch – she wants this done now.” A short statured man barks over at her.

“I get it – you don’t want to be held responsible for a delay but I could just as soon tell her you caused this malnourished doctor to faint from lack of sustenance.” She gestures at herself and reclines into her seat.

“Right – half the station squabbling over their rations and you’re complaining about not having time for your? – What is that – smells like rabbit.” Lifting his nose to take in the delicious scent.

“Ah and now you understand – a fresh carcass seared to seal in the flavor and then basted in butter with a hint of garlic.” She smiles

“Garlic! You’re shitting me- no way you have...”

“It’s a garlic essence - Just leave it the thing and I’ll get to it shortly.” She points at the door and turns away from him to turn off the burner underneath her meal.

He leaves in a huff. She can enjoy her meal in silence, she takes in her plate – a small 1oz piece of meat off the heat. No bigger than a matchbox. Taking a nearby beaker of melted butter she pours it over the hunk of meat. She cuts the smallest piece off and swirls it in the drizzle of butter covering the plate. Holding it up he stares at it examining the char, then smelling it before taking a bite. She exhales as she slowly chews the delicacy – continuously for a bit before swallowing. She delicately cuts off another piece before picking up her fork to repeat the process but she’s interrupted by a popping sound. She quickly looks over to the tray near her door. Again, a brief pop. As if someone is popping packing peanuts. Fork in hand she walks over to the table to get a better look. She stands over the gelatin remains waiting for the same noise but nothing. She takes the bite from her fork and begins to savor the treat when suddenly the gelatin pops loudly. She gasps shock and causes the cut of meat to lodge in her throat. Hunching forward to cough the savory rabbit from her throat she slams into the cart causes the mucus from the tray to fly in the air. It mostly stays intact as it flies through the air but as it hits the metal examining table bits and pieces of the snot fly everywhere. She finishes coughing out the piece and lets out a brief burp. She surveys the mess and composes herself for a moment. She notices the expelled meat on the floor among some of the goo – picking it up with her fork she takes it back to her plate to examine it. The snot like gelatin clings to the meat like a congealed piece of fat. She sits at her station dejected by the event and stares at the fork.

Finally she grabs the fork – wipes it through a the remaining melted garlic butter on her plate and shoves in her mouth.Unsure of what will happen next she doesn’t immediately chew – but she doesn’t spit it out either.The flavor begins to mix in her mouth as salvia builds up and she finally chews.She’s surprised and a little delighted by the experience – she finishes chewing, swallows and sees the remaining bit left on her plate.Her eyes light up – she jabs the meat with her fork and hunts for the nearest goo pile.

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